Intinction

Paul and the evangelists changed a few of the details for stylistic purposes, but here’s how it really happened:

On the night in which he was betrayed, our Lord took bread, and after he had blessed the bread he broke it, gave it to his disciples and said, “Take. Eat. This is my–No, don’t eat it yet. Hold onto it for a minute. This is my body which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of me. Well, the eating is in remembrance of me. Not hold onto the bread and looking confused. You’ll see in a second.”

In like manner he took the cup, gave thanks, gave it to his disciples and said, “Drink from this, all of you. This is my–No! You’re not actually supposed to drink from it. That’s gross. Take the bread I gave you and dip that in there. But be careful to keep all fingers from touching the wine. Which is actually grape juice, by the way. No, you idiot, I mean your fingers. It doesn’t matter whether the bread that is my body includes my fingers or not. Anyway, drink from this, all of you. By which I mean dip in this, all of you. This is my blood of the new covenant, pour out for you and for many for the forgiveness of sins. Do this in remembrance of me.”

And so as often as you eat of this bread and drink of this cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes.

And don’t you Episcopalians and Lutherans look down on me for using grape juice and dipping, because that’s what Jesus did!